FifteenThe blushing crowsLand on my clothes.They tease my earsWith regrets and fears.So I supposeThis is how my life goes.Purples, blues, greens, yellows
It's something that I never chose.My eyes squeeze shut.Another cut.I mend and stitchThe holes and splitsThe ones I etchedAnd the ones you stretched.Six hundred pounds of fleshResting upon my chest.It's harder to catch my breath.I hope this is not my death.The worms withdrawWhile the vultures clawAnd begin to gnawAt my limbs of strawMy skin bursts openTo release words unspoken.Down the streetTires screamHeadlights creep.A young teenWants to sleep.Eyes squeezed shut.
Star-crossedYou woke up onthe wrong side ofa cosmic bedA pillow ofnebulae,crushedunder your headMeteoritesare all the tearswhich you have shedYour ring fingeris Saturn,yetremains unwedForever lostin outer spaceamong a dreamedstarry arrayYour light shines brightlightyears awaybut not enoughto seize the dayStar-crossedand vaccum-cleaned,sleep-tossedand solar-weanedLet your love bea tesseract-then I'll wish tobecome Titan.
I'm strong, aren't I?Look at me!I'm strong aren't I?You think I'm weak because I'm skinnyBecause you've seen me cryBecause I've lost hopeYou've seen me quitYou've seen me break apartYou think I'm WeakBut have you forgotten?I walked through the storm, when everyone else hid insideI stood again after I fellI walked in the darknessI mend my heart after it was shatteredWhenever you cried, you had a shoulder to cry onI had no oneYet I wiped my tears and put a smile on my faceYou've made fun of me, insulted meBut I'm still standing here, facing youDoes that make me weak?You've called me names, picked on meForced me on my kneesHumiliated meBut still I'm hereBecause I know I can face it allOvercome all my fearsPush away the painAnd once, just once be happyI'll do it somedayBecause I'm not weakI'm strong, aren't I?
Cowards Way OutDid you really think,That taking the cowards way out,Would prove anything,Except all of our worst fears?Did you even think,About the ones that you have now?And the pain that you'd bring,If you were to leave them all here...?Do you really think,You're life is just so horribly unbearable,That you need to take this knife,And do something you know is terrible?!How many times,Have I told you it isn't worth it?How selfish of you,To expect your life to be picture perfect.
If Ever I Lost YouWhat weighs on your mind?What's taking up your time?You tell me not to worry and you swear you're really finePlease open up to meTell me of your fearsYou know I'll kiss the scars and I'll wipe away your tearsDon't keep it to yourselfYou know you're not aloneI couldn't live my life without you ever coming homeI'd be so lost insideI wouldn't recognizeThe person that I see in the reflection of your eyesJust tell me you're okay, and that you love me tooI don't know what I'd doIf ever I lost you…
Crayon SoulmatesDear Stars,I have a bone to pick with you. You see, when I was six, I called myself the nowhere girl... and I coloured myself a soulmate. I made him on crumpled sheets, with broken pieces of crayon, on a playground that was too busy wondering whether growing up entailed stealing their mother's cigarettes and their father's dirty magazines (I suppose I was already wise enough to know that growing up meant choosing one of the many ways of breaking yourself in two.)I hope you remember him, stars...he was important to me (My best friend threw that drawing away on my seventh birthday and told me that someone like me was not supposed to have such dreams.).He had hair as ebony as deep onyx and a smile that never grew up (Peter Pan would have been proud). He was magic in soul form, and smelled like cinnamon and the earth after it has rained. His eyes rivaled a lions on the best of his youth, his words were story shaped. His skin was an ink coloured canvas of wonder and even in crayon
Daddy, Daddy.Daddy, daddy! Come play with me.I'll be the princess filled with glee.You'll be the king, you'll reign over the sea.Daddy, daddy, come play with me!Daddy, daddy! Let's play a gameI'll grow up and like magic, i'll changeInto somebody so odd and so strangeDaddy, Daddy. Let's play a game.Dad, hey dad! Let's do something fun.I'll pull the trigger of this heavy gunAfter I've given you some time to runDad, hey dad, let's have some fun.Dad, come on now, can't you see?This knife in your back and this bullet in your kneeIt's who I've become, who I've grown to be.Daddy, come on...Come play with me.
Daddy's Little GirlDaddy's little girl is getting put away; in the ground is now where she laysHe can't hold back the tears as they pour out from his eyesAs he thinks of all the reasons his daughters not aliveHe jumps into her grave and cradles her in his armsHe didn't want this world to cause her any bit of harmHis little girl's not breathing, her heart now doesn't beatHe's holding her tight knowing, he'll never be completeEveryone watches him cradle his dead girl,Knowing he won't survive much longer in this worldIt takes all of his strength to get out of her graveAnd to listen to all the support all of his friends gaveHe just couldn't believe he'd never see her happy face againAnd he felt his life has come to a sudden endHe watched them close the coffin and pile the dirt up highAnd inside every feeling wanted him to dieWhen everyone had left and he was on his ownHe thought of all the days he was going to be aloneHe missed his daughter so much; it hurt to take a single breathAnd he cou
admittance is defeatthey called you beautifulwith porcelain eyes about to crackand cigarette skin crumblingaway, a knotted spine andjagged smile:you were never gracious.you're slipping underneath, thisvirulent smog masks a paper sky thatnever allowed a dream andyou're afraid because it's soaking inyour pores again, unattainable and unoriginal;the meaning of life never meant enough-you were never hopeful.there's a getaway map on the undersideof your pillow, and a lifetime of secretson the underside of your bonesyou're a walking travesty:your chest ticks, dullyour wrist beats, dyingtime is keeping you butyou were never patient.you lie large enough to make us believe youdon't entertain nightmares, but what ifno one could hear you scream?remarkable, it seemscaged birds really know howto sing out(you were always beautiful)
Why I cryI like to cry myself to sleep at night.I cry for my cat who was run over.I cry for my father who left me.I cry for the friends I have lost.And I cry for the bullies who push me in the halls.I cry for me, myself, and I.I cry for the body that I don't have.And I cry because I'm not happy.I cry for my broken family.I cry for lost love.And I cry for the unwanted.I cry for the people death has taken from me.Every night my pillow soaks,gathering the tears that I shed.By morning they are goneand no one knows I cried myself to sleep.
All EndsIf you cut you'll bleedIf you bleed you'll dieIf you're sad you'll smileAnd if you smile it's a lieIf you lie you'll liveIf you live you'll dieIf you cheat you'll winAnd if you win you'll cryIf you cry you'll loseIf you lose you'll dieIf you run you'll stayAnd if you stay you'll flyIf you fly you'll fallIf you fall you'll die'Cause no-one will catch youIf your life is a lie.
You'll never break meHit meHate meKick meBruise meLove meBetray meCurse meDisrespect meAbuse meBeat meHurt me But you'll never break me.
I Can't Devour You, Not YetI Can't Devour You, Not Yet:I long to taste the sweetness of your flesh,To roll your meat between my tongue and teeth.So many times have I come - so close -To taking that first bite from your neck.Yet, there is something about you,A scent perhaps or a sickly sap.It turns bitter upon my tongue,Poisoning it; I am left unable to eat...Much like the caterpillar, covered in spines,Each bite would spew only bitter venom -Numbing my senses and dulling the mind;It would leave me naught but a gormless wreck!Even so, despite me knowing of the repugnant taste,I am drawn toward you, like a moth to the flame.May my wings crumble in the heart of the fire -& body be turned to dust and ash...If only for the chance to feast once more!Ah, my dear - I will have you.& on that day it will be so sweet.But for now - I'm afraid that -I must leave this as a mere - tantalizing - fantasy...-Chen Yuan Wen, 12th December 2012